The Danger Of "Do"s And Don"ts" In Parenting Advice
Give me a prescription and I can solve all ill in the world.
"Do's and Don'ts" are the easy way of giving quick advice in articles like the one you are reading now.
It grabs the reader and some of it will actually stick.
You like it because it is easy to read, is concrete and doesn't cost a lot of time.
It gives you a sense of control, something you can use, do.
But is good for you or your child? Is the information accurate for you? As with diets the ideas of what's good and bad shift so often that parents like you and me are confused at all the information we see.
It changes all the time.
Writers like me try to compress complex research into 5-10 one-liners and hope you'll get something out of it that is helpful.
Unfortunately, as much as we are alike, we are as unique are too.
And so are your children, your situation.
Simplified answers to big questions aren't always so good.
Think about how you learned to made contact with your teacher when you were a child.
Probably giving your teacher a hug was quite alright.
Well, that would be on the don't list today as we have become frightened of physical contact.
I heard of a four year old who's parent was called to school because he was inappropriate with the teacher.
He came in, wanted to say hello, the way a four year old does, with a hug for someone he cares for.
Because that is what four year olds do in our culture.
At least "normal" ones.
Now we teach our children that touching is wrong, that we have a "hands off" or "no contact" policy.
You can imagine that kids will not learn to make contact in a physical way, step by step, finding out what appropriate is, by keeping them completely apart.
They need to explore, make friends, give hugs and make up after fights they inevitably have.
We create a lot of "Do's and Don'ts" nowadays that are purely risk management based.
How can we avoid damage, for whomever is likely to suffer.
Often it is a bigger entity like a school district, afraid of being sued.
We live by the fear of the impact of incidents that do happen and try to avoid those by freezing everyone's natural behaviors.
Parenting is a long path of creating opportunities to grow, to shine, in a safe way.
A positive loving, generous and trusting approach would fit most of the people you and know a lot better than fear, power and damage control.
Yes, there are and always will be a few who don't know their boundaries.
Will all our "Do's and Don'ts" stop them? Not likely.
So what do I advice you to "do or don't?" 1.
Trust yourself and know your kids 2.
Take our lists as a tool that may fit you and yours OR NOT! 3.
Create a clear and loving family framework together so you all know who you are and how you live together 4.
Pick out the tools that may help you and put them against the light of what your best great grandmother would say to you today.
Then look again and sue your own good judgment.
Our advice is just that.
And no prescription fits all, not should it.
Enjoy the unique children in your life.
O, and please do give them a hug!
"Do's and Don'ts" are the easy way of giving quick advice in articles like the one you are reading now.
It grabs the reader and some of it will actually stick.
You like it because it is easy to read, is concrete and doesn't cost a lot of time.
It gives you a sense of control, something you can use, do.
But is good for you or your child? Is the information accurate for you? As with diets the ideas of what's good and bad shift so often that parents like you and me are confused at all the information we see.
It changes all the time.
Writers like me try to compress complex research into 5-10 one-liners and hope you'll get something out of it that is helpful.
Unfortunately, as much as we are alike, we are as unique are too.
And so are your children, your situation.
Simplified answers to big questions aren't always so good.
Think about how you learned to made contact with your teacher when you were a child.
Probably giving your teacher a hug was quite alright.
Well, that would be on the don't list today as we have become frightened of physical contact.
I heard of a four year old who's parent was called to school because he was inappropriate with the teacher.
He came in, wanted to say hello, the way a four year old does, with a hug for someone he cares for.
Because that is what four year olds do in our culture.
At least "normal" ones.
Now we teach our children that touching is wrong, that we have a "hands off" or "no contact" policy.
You can imagine that kids will not learn to make contact in a physical way, step by step, finding out what appropriate is, by keeping them completely apart.
They need to explore, make friends, give hugs and make up after fights they inevitably have.
We create a lot of "Do's and Don'ts" nowadays that are purely risk management based.
How can we avoid damage, for whomever is likely to suffer.
Often it is a bigger entity like a school district, afraid of being sued.
We live by the fear of the impact of incidents that do happen and try to avoid those by freezing everyone's natural behaviors.
Parenting is a long path of creating opportunities to grow, to shine, in a safe way.
A positive loving, generous and trusting approach would fit most of the people you and know a lot better than fear, power and damage control.
Yes, there are and always will be a few who don't know their boundaries.
Will all our "Do's and Don'ts" stop them? Not likely.
So what do I advice you to "do or don't?" 1.
Trust yourself and know your kids 2.
Take our lists as a tool that may fit you and yours OR NOT! 3.
Create a clear and loving family framework together so you all know who you are and how you live together 4.
Pick out the tools that may help you and put them against the light of what your best great grandmother would say to you today.
Then look again and sue your own good judgment.
Our advice is just that.
And no prescription fits all, not should it.
Enjoy the unique children in your life.
O, and please do give them a hug!
Source...