Something crazy happens when someone becomes a caregiver.
In my experience, most people, especially those who have not planned for caring for a loved one, abandon rational thought.
For some odd reason, they think they are going to be able to FIX everything that is wrong with the person for whom they are caring, and that they are supposed to perform the duties of a caregiver alone! Not only is this irrational, but it will also tear your life apart.
I'm not trying to scare you, but experience in this area has proven that those who try to walk this journey alone, end up with a life that is very different than what they originally intended.
Caregivers are like first responders.
They run into the burning building, but unlike first responders, they forget to put on their gear; never wear the helmet; forget to take an axe; and never remember to put on the oxygen mask.
They are running into the burning building basically naked, while the rest of the family is running out the back door! First responders, however, are prepared.
They would never show up for an emergency without their gear and they certainly wouldn't show up alone! First responders are the first to arrive on the scene, but they are clear about their role and they let others step once their job is over.
First responders are America's heroes because they save lives; they show up; they're dependable; and we trust them to do the right thing.
But first responders work as a team and they have clearly defined roles.
They understand that without teamwork, nothing is possible.
Caregivers who take on the first responder role find very quickly that managing care for a loved one can be an all-consuming project, if allowed.
In the beginning it feels good to be able to help your loved one; to be the go-to person; to be the trusted family member.
In the beginning it also feels manageable.
But unlike being a first responder, caregiving can last for years - sometimes decades.
No one can go it alone for years.
The key to successfully caring for a loved one is to find balance.
You might have to search for it.
If you began as a first responder and never asked for support, you're going to have to intentionally change your plan and ask others to help you.
If you have made others feel like they can't do it like you do - well, then you are going to have a more difficult time.
That's not to say that you will not get help; it just means you might have to be a bit more humble in the asking.
Ask anyway.
Your life depends on it.
Does that sound too dramatic? It's not.
The thing about your role as a caregiver is that you are providing the most beautiful gift to you can give to another; the ultimate act of care.
It's also because of that role that we are often afraid to set boundaries; say no; take time off; or even have fun.
You don't have to be a martyr to be a wonderful caregiver.
Isn't that great news? Balance begins with the acceptance that in no way are you meant to lose your life, sacrifice your health and personal well-being; or ignore your family or your friendships.
The person for whom you are caring doesn't want this for you either.
But chances are, if this is how you set up the caregiving journey, then your loved one doesn't know any other way.
(And yes, there will be loud protesting or maybe pouting when you make changes.
) It's okay.
As long as someone is safe, clean, well fed, comfortable and attended to; as long as care is provided; you can have a life.
Help is available everywhere.
Did you know this? Of course, there are professional caregivers who can come in a few times a week and alleviate a lot of stress, but I'm really talking about creating a strong family and friend support team; people who are reliable and want to help.
It is definitely going to take effort and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone.
It's possible that you might not know how to do this.
That's okay too.
As a caregiver guide I help family caregivers and I can tell you that when someone asks for help, gets and moves from overwhelm to empowerment, magic happens.
I remember how desperately I needed help and support and I was resentful that I didn't have it.
I suffered severe burnout and finally I stepped outside of my box and asked for help.
And it showed up in ways that changed my life.
I encourage to reach out and ask for help.
We have a crisis in our country and we need to find a new way to care for our aging population.
If you weren't formally trained, how could you be expected to know what to do? Help is available.
It's a phone call away.
You don't have to go it alone.
You matter and you're worth it.
Do you believe that? Trying asking and see what happens.