Your Belief-System Might Hurt You and Your Relationships: Finding the Right Balance Is Crucial
It is said that having a belief-system is good: it is something which directs you; guides your actions; motivates you to feel you know how to move forward with life.
Whether you believe in charity, in the importance of being a good parent, in being there 100% for your partner - your belief system makes you "the person that you are" and enables you to be consistent and predictable over the years.
But adhering strongly to your belief-system might also boomerang at you: it taken to the extreme it might hurt you and your relationships.
It might blind you from seeing how you sabotage yourself and harm whatever it is you want to accomplish- whether being a good parent (who make all decisions for his/her children thereby don't help them to become independent), a wonderful partner (being there 100% for your partner, and by so doing sabotage any give-and-take in the relationship), and so on.
Apparently, everything taken to the extreme might boomerang back.
The question therefore is, whether you can become aware of your belief-system, determine to what extent it helps or limits you, and find the right balance between the two.
Mary is a typical example: Mary has not had a long-term relationship for years, something that continues to stun her.
It's true: there was a time when she didn't want a relationship and sought brief encounters just for fun.
She was too busy pursuing her career to take relationships too seriously.
But she always thought that when she would really want, she wouldn't have any problem finding one.
So what's happening now, when she really does want a relationship? How come she can't manage to find one, and gets disappointed time after time? Mary's belief system sabotages her Mary is unaware as to how her belief-system prevents her from developing a true and lasting relationship.
The only thing that she knows is that she does want such a relationship.
But damn! What stands in her way? When Mary begins to look inwards, attempting to find answers, she realizes that she has been driven by belief system that stipulates that having a relationship will damage her professional career.
This belief system has driven her to develop a fear of commitment.
With this understanding Mary now feels comfortable about looking for a partner with whom to develop a long-term relationship.
She is now able to find the balance between having a profession coupled with a long-term relationship while keeping her independence.
How to find the right balance between letting your belief-system guide you but not harm you? In order to find the right balance, you first need to become aware of your belief system.
1.
Ask yourself with all honesty, which belief-system drives your emotions, thinking, reactions and behaviors in and about relationships (such as: "I always know better"; "My independence is most important to me"; "Manipulations are a great way to get what I want"; and so on.
2.
Notice in which ways this belief-system damages your relationships.
For example: * "I always fight with my partner trying to prove I know better"; * "I never let my partner decide for me, since I don't want to be dependent on anybody"; * "I'm always there 100% for my partner.
I know this is how relationships should be!".
Now that you have identified your belief-system and noticed the power it exerts over you, you can move on to the following: 3.
Ask yourself what you can do to de-activate the power it exerts over you and find a more balanced way in your interactions.
4.
Decide about and practice new reactions and behaviors.
When become aware of your belief system and the way it controls you, you become able to find the right balance, stop it from hurting you and your relationships and become able to foster a healthy and fulfilling bond.
Whether you believe in charity, in the importance of being a good parent, in being there 100% for your partner - your belief system makes you "the person that you are" and enables you to be consistent and predictable over the years.
But adhering strongly to your belief-system might also boomerang at you: it taken to the extreme it might hurt you and your relationships.
It might blind you from seeing how you sabotage yourself and harm whatever it is you want to accomplish- whether being a good parent (who make all decisions for his/her children thereby don't help them to become independent), a wonderful partner (being there 100% for your partner, and by so doing sabotage any give-and-take in the relationship), and so on.
Apparently, everything taken to the extreme might boomerang back.
The question therefore is, whether you can become aware of your belief-system, determine to what extent it helps or limits you, and find the right balance between the two.
Mary is a typical example: Mary has not had a long-term relationship for years, something that continues to stun her.
It's true: there was a time when she didn't want a relationship and sought brief encounters just for fun.
She was too busy pursuing her career to take relationships too seriously.
But she always thought that when she would really want, she wouldn't have any problem finding one.
So what's happening now, when she really does want a relationship? How come she can't manage to find one, and gets disappointed time after time? Mary's belief system sabotages her Mary is unaware as to how her belief-system prevents her from developing a true and lasting relationship.
The only thing that she knows is that she does want such a relationship.
But damn! What stands in her way? When Mary begins to look inwards, attempting to find answers, she realizes that she has been driven by belief system that stipulates that having a relationship will damage her professional career.
This belief system has driven her to develop a fear of commitment.
With this understanding Mary now feels comfortable about looking for a partner with whom to develop a long-term relationship.
She is now able to find the balance between having a profession coupled with a long-term relationship while keeping her independence.
How to find the right balance between letting your belief-system guide you but not harm you? In order to find the right balance, you first need to become aware of your belief system.
1.
Ask yourself with all honesty, which belief-system drives your emotions, thinking, reactions and behaviors in and about relationships (such as: "I always know better"; "My independence is most important to me"; "Manipulations are a great way to get what I want"; and so on.
2.
Notice in which ways this belief-system damages your relationships.
For example: * "I always fight with my partner trying to prove I know better"; * "I never let my partner decide for me, since I don't want to be dependent on anybody"; * "I'm always there 100% for my partner.
I know this is how relationships should be!".
Now that you have identified your belief-system and noticed the power it exerts over you, you can move on to the following: 3.
Ask yourself what you can do to de-activate the power it exerts over you and find a more balanced way in your interactions.
4.
Decide about and practice new reactions and behaviors.
When become aware of your belief system and the way it controls you, you become able to find the right balance, stop it from hurting you and your relationships and become able to foster a healthy and fulfilling bond.
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