Updated June 08, 2015.

I almost smoked today. One month smoke-free and I almost lost it all.

The day started out well enough; up early for work, an easy commute and a good day at the office. I am so surprised that in just 30 days, the urge to smoke with my morning coffee is nearly gone. I still get a twinge of a craving on some mornings, but it's nothing like it was during the first week.

Anyway, I was feeling great - on top of the world, really.

I mean, a whole month smoke-free is a huge deal for me. I haven't had that much smoke-free time since I started smoking when I was 19 years old.

I arrived home at the end of the day, and without going into a lot of detail, got into a fight with my husband, who, by the way, still smokes. He doesn't smoke in the house, but he does leave his cigarettes out in the open. Sometimes I wonder if he does that to tempt me. Deep down, I think that he might be jealous of the progress I'm making with smoking cessation, and wants me to fail. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I think it's true. I will even go so far as to say that I think he picked a fight with me tonight because I made it to a month smoke-free.

We had plans to go out to dinner and a movie to celebrate, but instead, I stormed out of the house and went to Shelley's. She is a friend of mine who, sadly, is a smoker too. I'm surrounded by them! It was at her house that I almost lit up.

I was in tears describing the fight, and before I knew it, I was asking Shelley for a cigarette.

I felt defeated and hurt that the person who was supposed to be my biggest cheerleader was the exact opposite today, of all days. What was the point of going through all of this work to quit smoking if my own husband wouldn't support me?

Thankfully, Shelley refused my request. If I am going to be completely truthful however, as much as I was grateful that she did, I felt a flash of anger and a strong urge to go buy a pack anyway. I've learned enough in the last month to know that was the junkie within complaining. Shelley talked me down and suggested I post an SOS at the forum for support from her computer. I did, and then we went out to dinner.

By the time I got home, I was feeling much better. I gave my husband a hug and he surprised me by admitting that he feels like he's been left behind as the only smoker in the family now. He said that he hates smoking, but isn't ready to quit. He also told me how proud he is that I have.

I logged into the forum and found 15 messages of support in response to the post for help I'd written earlier! Every one of them was full of compassion and logic about why I shouldn't light up. Their messages lifted me up and I felt so supported...and understood. The biggest thing I took away from the posts was the reminder that recovery from nicotine addiction takes time and patience, followed by more time and patience. They also made the point that no aggravation life throws in my path is worth lighting up over, and that if I did, I'd be right back to square one. If that happened, who knows how long it would take me to quit again. I'd like to think I'd jump right back on the wagon, but I know better. Ten years passed between my last quit attempt and this one.

Everyone who posted to me also congratulated me on what a tremendous accomplishment it is to have made it through my first month smoke-free. That felt great. A few of them even said that I should think of it as a double milestone because I had successfully maneuvered my way through some tough emotions today without smoking.

I am re-training my brain. Learning how to manage the ups and downs in my life without reaching for a cigarette is not always comfortable, but it is necessary, and I did that today. My forum friends say that the next time emotions challenge my quit, it will be easier to overcome. I believe them. I'm starting to set a smoke-free foundation for my life. As hard as this day was, I feel stronger for it and definitely motivated to keep going.

Month two, here I come.