Many of us have at least one or two interesting stories to tell about the worse date we've ever been on in our lives.
These are the dates where we found ourselves asking for the check about fifteen minutes in or even those good dates where you find that you share something in common, the date ends well, you call each other and go out some more only to find that there's a vice or two that this person has that you just can't build your psych around accepting.
We tend to call it the dating deal breakers.
They are the positive and negative qualities that are nonnegotiable and help the couple decide if they want to pursue a dating relationship.
From those annoying behaviors and habits to your list of absolute must-haves.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards but what happens when your unspoken ideals are projected onto the other person? Many of us enter into relationships with our own idea about what we want in a mate.
For most people the older you get the more critical you become.
You refuse to date a man who has children or you wouldn't consider a woman who is overweight.
Through the greener-grass mentality, you believe that there is a better match to be found, a combination of all your nit-picky prerequisites and then some.
The fact of the matter is that having a deal breaker is one thing, everyone should have boundaries.
But to set your sights on someone whom you believe will fit a specific superficial need that you are fixated on and then get upset when they don't deliver the way you thought they should is something totally different.
It's not fair to the other person to be boxed into some storybook mold.
That is an unrealistic expectation and it is an absolute relationship killer.
The challenge is to examine why you feel entitled to a perfect 10 when everyone - including you - is blessed with imperfections.
Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it will always be too lofty to comprehensively describe what someone in the real world is actually capable of delivering on.
We never take notice to how we often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship, and when they are not our choices, we often get angry.
Having such a ridiculous expectation can be very damaging to how you deal in relationships and will ultimately lead to continuous heartbreak.
People who tend to have such unrealistically high expectations, often cry foul because they constantly find themselves not only on the receiving end of disappointment, but alone.
It's very rare that someone will actually openly admit to how they set themselves up for relationship failure with unrealistic expectations being the leading cause.
The only way to stop the cycle is to try having no expectations at all.
Less expectations lead to fewer disappointments.
Allow the relationship to just be.
Let it take it's time to grow by building a foundation of respect and trust with your partner.
Stop focusing on mistakes, sitting in 'wait' for him or her to do something to disappoint you.
Instead of focusing on what you need from a person, opt to explore new possibilities.
By changing your approach it opens the door to a better experience in new relationships.