Does this sound familiar? I do everything around here You're not the same person I married If you loved me you would...
If you are in a long-term relationship, you can probably relate to all of these statements.
The problem is that they are beliefs and habits that can hurt and ultimately squash any passion that is left in your relationship.
Why are these beliefs and habits so harmful? 1.
"I do everything around here.
" This is a dangerous belief because unless your partner never leaves the bed, it is probably not 100% true.
Of course there are people who are total slugs, but if you are honest with yourself, your spouse contributes in some way to your relationship and household.
If you choose to acknowledge this, you can find many examples of how your spouse does do her/his part.
2.
"You're not the same person I married.
" So many times once people marry, they don't take the time to do the special things they did when they were trying to win their lover's heart.
That is a mistake.
If you notice that your spouse is slacking off, you can bring it up, but it is so important that you look at your own behavior before you begin to point fingers.
It is very likely that you have changed your behavior also.
3.
"If you loved me you would...
" This is such a manipulative phrase! You know it and you have no idea how to respond when it's directed at you.
Susan Elgin, author of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense, suggests responding with a question: "How long have you been thinking that I don't love you?" Brilliant! Now, instead of trying to defend yourself when you hear, "If you loved me, you would take me dancing," you have asked a question that gives your spouse pause.
There are many beliefs and habits that get in the way of a happy relationship.
Take care of this now before this way of relating to each other becomes a habit that destroys your marriage.