When a couple has a disagreement or even an argument is there ever a real winner? I wondered this because I know that when my husband and I argue we both are angry, hurt, and neither of us really listen to the other.
We hear negative and don't work our way to any positive.
In fact is it not until after we walk away for a while and calm down that we actually come back and talk things out.
I realize that during an argument both people have a personal point of view that the other person does not truly understand.
After all every couple fights at one point or another, some more often than others.
One thing I have learned over the years is no one wins.
It is not a competition, but a point of view from each other that are not fully lining up.
There are serious situations such as cheating, lying, and abuse.
These are situations all in their own where there is a clearly defined person in the wrong, but still no one wins.
Someone is still hurt, and someone still has done wrong.
Here are just a few things that I have learned along the way that have helped our arguments become shorter and often real resolution.

• In the event of an argument have the state of mind to take a breather and cool off.
  You both are upset and words are only meant to dig at each other.
  Before you say something you will regret take a time out and when you are both a little calmer then talk.
  
• Don't wait for the other person to come to you.
  Pride is not a solution in an argument.
  People with too much pride won't accomplish anything.
  Swallow your pride and have a conversation.
  
• When having your conversation it is not about pointing fingers but giving each person a chance to voice their point of view.
  Understanding that each person may think differently but there is a common ground to meet in the middle.
  
• Always remember it is not about who you feel is right or wrong.
  It is about communicating and being open to each person's point of view.
  
• Take the time to talk about the things that each person could do to make things better.
  Focus on these things and try and come to a resolution.
  
• The past is the past.
  Do not bring up old situations that were already addressed in the past.
  Too often we throw things from years ago into an argument to try and prove a point.
  Truthfully this just makes the situation more difficult and you won't accomplish anything.
  
• In every marriage there is compromise, trust, love, and communication.
  You have to find each others balance and work to those things.
  

Following these steps has brought my husband and me to a point in our relationship that is strong and productive.
I won't lie and tell you we don't argue from time to time, but I will say that we have found better ways of resolving our issues.