It is absolutely essential for a woman to possess the skills for conflict resolution in relationships. Conflict is bound to occur at some point. Whether you've only known him a few days or you have been married for years, sooner or later there will be an issue that the two of you disagree on. When this happens, how you handle it affects the strength and quality of your relationship. It is likely to determine how far you push him away or, if you get it right, it can draw him in closer than ever. Find out how to resolve conflict with your man so that you can make your relationship stronger and more secure.

So now it's happened (or happened again) - he did something that you didn't like and now you feel angry and upset. You need to let him know but you're not sure how to go about it. Actually, men do come over as quite insensitive at times and it's quite possible that he didn't even realise that he did something wrong. But these issues just have to be tackled otherwise somewhere down the line, you will find yourself dealing with a build-up of resentment.

The first thing to do is to cool off. Unless you are able to stay calm it is not usually a good idea to broach the subject immediately. Getting angry and upset is likely to put him on the defensive. It often leads to an argument where you feel more hurt than ever.

So take the time to cool down and think. Is this something that you really need to deal with? If it upsets you then it probably is. But there is a problem with this. If you are constantly bringing up the small stuff, your relationship stops being fun and he is likely to be unreceptive to the big issues when they arise. If this sounds like you, then you might need to either change your attitude or change your man.

Let's say you decide that this needs to be dealt with so you are going to have to approach him. Choose a time when he does not appear busy with other things and ask him if you can talk to him about something that is bothering you. Timing is important. If it's not a good time then you won't get his full attention and it will be difficult to communicate.

You will no doubt have spent some time going over and over in your head what it is that you are trying to say. When you bring up something negative, always try to sweeten it with something positive - start with something good that you can say about him so that he knows that you appreciate him.

Don't blame, disrespect or put him down. Communicate in terms of "I felt bad when you did this." rather than "You did this to me and you made me feel bad." Try to stay cool and not to get upset, angry or to start crying. He will find it hard to handle such an explosive display of negative emotions and you are unlikely to get the response that you want.

Listen to his response if he is able to give one. Remember that it is not just about you and your perception of what happened may not always be right. Realise that men can't always articulate feelings on the spot and he may need time to think about how he feels. Don't push for an answer straight away or think that he doesn't love you just because you are not hearing what you want. Sometimes you just have to control your emotions no matter how bad they feel.

If he responds negatively to your attempts to talk, then this may just be out of habit. Try not to get drawn into his negativity. If you get into an argument you are unlikely to win. Assert your right to be able to talk in a calm, adult manner so that the problem can be resolved. If the conversation starts to get heated tell him how upset you feel and that you need to talk further another time. Then walk away so that you can both cool down and try again later. If you feel him pulling away from you, do not panic. If he has feelings for you, he will be back when he is ready to talk.

Realise that your man may not be able to communicate with you in the ways that you want - not all men are capable of communicating in a mature adult fashion. If you haven't known him long, he may be giving you the message that he's not the one for you. He will be showing you how he handles conflict and this may bring out some negative traits in him that are not so attractive. Conflict may be a continual pattern in some relationships and resolution may not be possible. Don't ignore such an important opportunity to make decisions about your future together based on this.

If this is a really serious issue for you and he's not prepared to even look at his behaviour, then you may need to go a step further. If how he has behaved is something that is intolerable to you in a relationship, you may need to communicate the fact that if it continues, you will leave. But then you have to be prepared to back that up with action so you will need to think carefully about how you feel. At the end of the day, if this issue is going to constantly sour your relationship, it will destroy it slowly over time anyway, with all the associated pain that goes with it. Is that a better option than risking a split now?

You must deal with issues in your relationship or let them go. If you sweep them under the carpet of resentment they will hang around to haunt you and can end up suffocating your relationship slowly. You may not even realise that it is dying until it is too late. It is no coincidence that making up can be a great part of your relationship, so pluck up your courage and take responsibility for creating the relationship that you want by learning to communicate effectively. When you take this advice and learn the skills for conflict resolution in relationships, you will be able to deal with the big issues without alienating your man. Handling these issues the right way will draw him closer and you will both be happier. And that's when you will have the strong, secure and loving relationship that you long for.